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国外也有段子手:这不是命硬,这是战术!

西江月-song 2017-01-09 21:17:24

小伙伴们大家好,欢迎来到每周的“国外也有段子手”!上周的欧洲赛场精彩看点层出不穷。齐祖率领皇马追平巴萨39场不败纪录,曼联、曼城和阿森纳等球队也纷纷获胜,而利物浦、巴萨则收获平局。好了,话不多说,让我们赶紧看看国外段子手们的犀利吐槽吧!

【39场不败!皇马5-0格拉纳达】

Tasarayyo(加拉塔萨雷球迷):当C罗加盟皇马的时候,银河战舰从此开启了新纪元。现在,皇马又将再次迎来新的里程碑,而这次开启它标志则是齐达内!(The days when Ronaldo came was the last milestone for Madrid. The new one is Zidane.)

Zvronsnifsky(沙佩科恩斯球迷):希望齐祖在教练位置上取得的成就,能够比他在球员时代所取得的还要辉煌!(Zidane could end up becoming an even greater coach than he was a player.)

Epulsars(巴黎球迷):这不是命硬,这是战术!(It's his tatics that make him always lucky.)

Zvronsnifsky(科林蒂安球迷):之前的连续不败纪录是由巴萨保持的,而打破巴萨不败金身的正是齐达内所率领的皇马。而从此之后,皇马再没有吃过败仗。(The previous record was held by Barcelona. Zidane stopped that streak and he hasn't lost since then.)

Ajsadler(南安普顿球迷):当齐祖82岁的时候,执教法国国家队再次闯入了世界杯决赛,这场比赛将是他教练生涯的谢幕战了,结果因为头顶意大利主帅马特拉齐而被驱逐出场。(Zidane aged 82. Managing France in a World Cup final. The final game of his career before retirement. Sent off for headbutting. Against Materazzi's Italy of course.)

(图)这张照片里共有10座金球奖

TareXmd 86(未知主队球迷):“伊斯科上场表现不错,这次应该首发!”结果J罗首发并梅开二度;“J罗上场表现不错,这次应该首发!”结果伊斯科首发并梅开二度。如此循环往复…("Isco should have started he was great in the last match" Rodriguez starts and scores a brace. "Rodriguez should have started he was great in the last match." Isco starts and scores a brace.....and so on.)

elonaJelboo (巴萨球迷):我一直都在梦想着,有那么一天阿尔维斯和马塞洛一起为巴萨效力,这画面恐怕太美…(Sometimes I daydream about Daniel Alves and Marcelo as fullbacks for Barça. Both such talents.)

Mjijhar(未知主队球迷):边锋马塞洛+中锋C罗=进球。(Winger marcelo + centre forward ronaldo = goal.)

(图)马塞洛的进攻能力,比大多数前锋都要强

Cieldarko(皇马球迷):一个有趣的消息,格拉纳达替补球员马尔克斯给他的儿子起名就叫“莫德里奇”…(fun fact: Javi Marquez (the player just subbed in for Granada) named his son after Modric.)

MundoOnly(利物浦球迷):皇马一线队的21名非门将球员中,有20名已经进球啦!(20 of 21 outfield players in the Real Madrid squad now have a goal to their name.)

(一位不愿透露姓名的金发后卫球员表示压力很大…)

(图)你有没有一位好朋友支持死敌球队呢?(PS:小编的基友们基本都是俺主队死敌的球迷...)

【梅西无解任意球,巴萨1-1黄潜】

JezzPanda(水晶宫球迷):说实话,我觉得就算用手,也扔不出梅西那样精准的任意球…(I honestly couldn't place the ball any better than Messi even with my hands.)

SeryaphFR (皇马球迷):这粒进球其实是黄潜门将阿森霍在160多场西甲比赛里丢掉的第一个直接任意球…(This is the first goal Asenjo has conceded from a free kick in over 160 La Liga games.)

(图)每一位成功男人的背后,都有一位伟大的女人

T_mac(未知主队球迷):在近2场比赛里,梅西一人为球队创了18次得分良机,结果巴萨仅仅把握了其中2次。而可气的是,这两次还都是梅西自己进的球。(messi alone has created 18 chances in the past 2 matches for Barca. And they have scored freaking 2 goals. both by him of course pathetic.)

kaspar737(皇马球迷):梅西又一次强行帮球队拿分啊,如果没有他,巴萨现在恐怕都得准备下赛季的欧联杯了!(Another point saved by Messi, without him Barcelona would already be preparing for Europa League next season.)

MustardQuenelle(阿森纳球迷):真是难以置信,在补时的关键时期,梅西竟然拿出1.2秒的时间去庆祝进球,这会让他们丢掉争冠良机啊!(Ridiculous that he wasted 1.2 seconds in extra time to celebrate the goal. Might cost them the title.)

Kaspar(西班牙球迷):当我觉得生活快混不下去的时候,我就去当西甲裁判吧,看起来并不需要什么技能。(When all my ambitions in life fail I'm going to be a La Liga ref, can't be too hard to master.)

【鲁尼追平纪录!曼联4-0雷丁】

Demonictoaster(曼联球迷):奇怪的是,在鲁尼进球之前,一直没有媒体在提醒追平纪录这事……(I'm suprised there wasn't mention of this during the game when he scored.)

6TyperSniper(曼联球迷):当初2500万镑买来的鲁小胖,你说值不值!(£25 million for Wayne Rooney, what a deal that turned out to be.)

Tobiascuypers(曼联球迷):即使近几年鲁尼都不在他的最佳状态,他依然可以称为曼联史上最伟大的球员之一了。(Even tho he hasn't been in his peak form these last couple of years, he is one of the best things that has ever happened to United.)

TyperSniper(曼联球迷):今天费莱尼的表现,可以算一坨还不错的翔。(That was some good shit from Fellaini there.)

Nerverek(未知主队球迷):说实话,马夏尔的临门一脚总让我想起一个人来,那就是亨利。(To be hones that type of finish by Martial always reminds me of Henry for some reason.)

(图)别人的情侣装VS你的情侣装

【酣畅淋漓!曼城5-0西汉姆联】

fraudeuter(英格兰球迷):唉,堂堂伦敦奥林匹克体育场,什么时候能有一支真正能掌控比赛的球队啊!(What needs to be done to give London Stadium to an actually dominated team.)

mousie74(西汉姆联球迷):诶?我觉得每周都会有一支呀,只不过每次都不是我锤而已。(What? See a good team every week, it’s just not West Ham.)

(图)喜欢足球的妹子才是最漂亮的,你同意嘛?

【吉鲁叕绝杀!阿森纳2-1普雷斯顿】

Exfhile 422(未知主队球迷):拉莫斯和吉鲁是不是去年夏天在一起训练了…(Ramos and Giroud have trained together last summer.)

Wavey_Don(阿森纳球迷):吉鲁你个辣鸡,庆祝起来就像你在欧冠决赛面对11个梅西进了一球一样…("WTF…Celebrated like it was the champions league final against 11 Messis")

eldIshguet(未知主队球迷):其实吉鲁今天表现还是不错的,在庆祝的百忙之中还抽出时间来进了个球。(Nice of Giroud to take a break from his celebration to score tonight.)

(图)“当需要吉鲁绝杀才能拿下比赛时,那一定是你的球队出了问题。”——爱因斯坦

【锻炼小将,利物浦0-0普利茅斯】

Edubbleg(利物浦球迷):如果不算卢卡斯的话,场上我军球员的平均年龄将是19岁零30天…(if you take out Lucas, the average age is 19 years and 30 days.)

SakhosLawyer(利物浦球迷):哈哈,卢卡斯一人的出场次数比其他球员加起来都要多!(Lol Lucas has more appearances for Liverpool than the other 10 starters put together)

David Fox(普利茅斯队员,这个是球员本人...):利物浦的卫生间很干净,浴室的水温也要温暖一些,这就是差距。这里的草坪就像地毯一样,保养到位,修建合理。在这里比赛你不可能听清看台上每位球迷说的话,这和英乙赛场完全不同。(“The toilets are a bit cleaner & the showers a bit warmer, that’s the main difference. The pitch will also be like a carpet, nice and watered & you won’t be able to hear every individual fan that hammers you, like you can on a League Two pitch.”)

Hairychris88 (普利茅斯球迷):其实每次我去我的土豪邻居家做客,都会有这样的想法…(I have a similar response when visiting my rich relatives' houses.....)

(图)真红军,就是要劫富济贫

好了,亲爱的小伙伴们,本期“国外也有段子手”就给大家播报到这里啦。让我们拭目以待,期待下期更加精彩的歪果仁吐槽吧!

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非常抱歉!